Happy
Holidays to One & All,
Seems
like every year around Halloween, I make plans for writing my annual
Christmas letter on or about Thanksgiving; however, as Thanksgiving
arrives, time magically leaps directly to Christmas. In other words,
I get so busy with activities I can't find a moment to spare to sit
and write my letter, or when the time presents itself, am too
exhausted to focus & recall everything I did over the year. 2014
has not proven any different. A couple things will change this year:
1) I plan to use social media or electronic means to send my
greeting, except to the VERY FEW key people in my lifetime who prefer
to severely restrict or not even get involved with electronic
communications; and 2) I'm hoping not to ramble on for 4-6 pages as
in the past few years detailing my eventful year.
2014
has been equally or more eventful than in the recent past, but also
provided me with a wild and emotional roller coaster ride, thanks to
further issues and understanding of my autistic personality. I won't
pursue long extemporaneous editorializing of my year as I'm often
known for. Greater awareness has evolved as I become a “mature”,
senior, high-functioning person with ASD. Much of this wild ride
resulted from my anxiety disorder and ADHD.
Mankind
and its perceived irrational and dysfunctional approach to living
continues to cause daily frustrations and anxiety for me. I'm less
judgmental after having gone through 18 months of DBT training that
is targeted for individuals with borderline personality disorders. My
deep spiritual approach to life also prevents me from being
selectively judgmental; however, not being judgmental doesn't lessen
the anger and frustration I experience daily; as NT's
(neurotypical/non-autistic humans) refuse to obey and live by the
very rules that dictate how society should act or perform. I like to
tell it like this...I live with the mentality that what people do is
either right or wrong, black or white. In my maturity, and the now 60
years I've experienced, I've learned to permit up to 8 shades of gray
for compromise; however, non-ASD humans choose to make exceptions to
EVERY rule in the book, and NEVER see things as black & white.
You all live in a gray-scale society that is made up of anywhere from
128 to 512 shades of gray. Sorry, if this seems like a techie-type
answer... Okay, that's all the soapbox wisdom I'm going to burden you
with this year.
Last
holiday was an over-committed and exhaustive, though memorable, end
to my year, that happened to spill over into the new year. Anyone who
knows &/or understands autism is aware we are basically social
misfits or wallflowers. I guess the reason why it was so hard for
people (who knew me well) to see me as a person with autism, is
because I've always been active and outgoing, and trying to be a
leader in many aspects of my life. I'll clue you in on a social
interaction trick I've developed during my lifetime; even before I
had a clue about what autism is. If invited to a social-type function
or activity of any sort, I'd choose to ignore or refuse the invite
and stay home/away if I had no idea what to expect; even if familiar
with or knowing everyone attending. Therefore, I'd take the
leadership role or serve on the planning committee that determined
what would happen at the event. I'd arrive at the event knowing what
to expect, usually who would be attending, AND if I wasn't in a
particularly sociable mood during the event, could fill my time with
directing or serving on the performance team keeping the event
running smoothly. Often, being unable to trust that an event
progresses just as promised or described (no surprises), has a lot to
do with whether I participate or not.
Any
way, last year I planned a Harvest potluck, Thanksgiving potluck,
2-day holiday craft sale, Christmas Party, and Christmas Potluck for
the residents at the Lafayette Affinity retirement community where I
lived. I refused to plan and DID NOT attend the New Year's Eve
party...I was burned out. Because I had discussed the idea of a Chili
Cook-off around Super Bowl time, I was reminded, and felt obligated
to organize this event and invite Lafayette Fire Department, as
suggested, to be the judges. Everyone KNEW who Michele Newman was,
but being such an active community volunteer leader left me NO
PERSONAL TIME to do things that gave me personal enjoyment, or go
through the over 60 boxes of loose papers that needed to be sorted
and purged from storage and my small apartment.
People
came to expect me to automatically step in and produce an
event/activity that everyone enjoyed. My lease at the Affinity was up
for renewal the end of April this year. Unlike most residents, I was
able to get into the Lafayette housing bond program at Affinity. Even
though I'd have to qualify for the program, based on income every
year, my rent was not to be increased this year with a new lease.
Losing my daytime RTD, ADA, door-2-door ridership privileges last
year prevented me from continuing major volunteer participation down
in Denver. My transportation options were extremely restrictive and
limited on weekends, both geographically and time-wise. Realizing I
had bitten off more than I could chew in demonstrating planning and
leadership abilities with the residents and management at Affinity,
but more so my transportation limitations, I decided to search
elsewhere to live, yet still remain in or near the Broomfield/Boulder
County area of metro Denver.
I
did achieve a major social accomplishment as a result of being so
involved at Affinity and in a community that had people I felt I
could “trust”. Some of my friends decided to organize a “going
away” potluck for me, inviting ALL the residents. As a rule, I hate
being the center of attention at any social gathering. Normally, I
would have said I had no time or was unavailable; however, I agreed
to attend. The fact that I actually showed up without insisting on
knowing all the details of the event or who was going to attend. My
attendance proved to be a sort of social graduation of sorts. A BIG
DEAL for me!
I
had located a brand new community just on the north side of the
Broomfield Park-n-Ride. A perfect place to easily connect with the
metro area using public transportation. I visited this community on 3
separate occasions, speaking with the same leasing agent and planned
my move to a specific apartment once its building was released for
occupancy. I disclosed, upon my 1st visit, that my main
source of income was SSDI. I even measured and created a floorplan to
be sure all my “stuff” would fit. Not once did the leasing agent
inform me they required 2.5 times as the income to rent ratio. This
apartment went for $1325 (but I was paying $1510 at Affinity).
Needless to say, I didn't qualify but had already given notice to
Affinity that I'd be moving, before I learned this. A desperate panic
overcame me to locate another apt. on or near daily, public,
transportation services.
Boulder
was too expensive, so I looked north to Longmont (15-20 min due north
of Lafayette). Even though I shouldn't have financially qualified for
an apartment, I ended up moving to the Longmont Regent, a
full-service (including 3 meals) independent Holiday chain retirement
community. I talked to my retirement adviser, and plan was to begin
an early withdrawal of my LT retirement annuity in July, after
turning 59-1/2. That fell through, and by summer was faced with
severe financial issues.
Besides
planning a move to another town in less than 30 days, I unexpectedly
lost my mother (who lived in California) in the middle of preparing
for the move, on Palm Sunday. I remember only one or 2 times in my
entire life that I made a household move in 30 days or less. I hadn't
downsized as much as I had hoped, yet was moving into a 100 sq.ft.
smaller apartment than what I had in Lafayette.
All
the stressors of coordinating the move and losing my mother, caught
up with me real fast, causing 3 ER visits during the month of May;
another financial setback. However, it was a trip to the ER on August
15th, which was “the straw that broke the camel's back”.
Personal healthcare issues are my all-time, greatest
anxiety-producer. I had reached the end of my rope as a result of the
events in the middle of the night and neglectful treatment I received
by emergency department staff. I no longer wanted ANYTHING to do with
the inconsiderate and insensitive behavior of society in general. I
struggled for a week trying to think of why I should not make an
early exit. After numerous prayers and outcries to my Lord, a chain
of events presented themselves
to me on August 21st, giving me new purpose and a reason
to stick around a little longer. My prayers were answered. Since I
had strong, deliberate ideas around the evil, materialism, &
violence plaguing mankind, I felt directed to go on a Hunger Strike
for God against the vise grip Satan had on mankind. Besides going on
the Hunger Strike, I went “cold turkey” off ALL medications.
I
went 32 hours before learning I MUST drink water/liquids to survive
more than just a few days on a hunger strike. I lived off broth,
gelatin, Powerade and juices during God's Hunger Strike, which lasted
50-days before adding solid food to my diet. In the time I was on the
Hunger Strike, my thoughts, focus, productivity AND health became the
best I'd had in MANY years. I even lost 20 pounds and
as many inches in those 6 weeks. I was relaxed, at peace, and felt
little to no stress in the first 30-days; however, the reality of
pending homelessness due to my financial income/resource dilemma soon
set in. I, personally, was not concerned about living on the street,
since I'd been homeless twice since 2006. My concern was being
homeless with my 2 therapy/companion cats. What would happen to them?
They weren't dogs like most homeless people with pets might have.
Besides,
Pooky had developed what I thought was a cyst on one of her mammary
glands. She had it removed right after my last move, on Oct. 7th.
Needless to say, it turned out to be a severely, malignant tumor. She
recovered surprisingly well, considering she's 11 years old and was
mostly feral 9 of her 11 years. Unfortunately, she goes back to the
vet Christmas Eve, as it appears the tumor has grown back. I don't
know what I'll do when time comes to put her down. It took 13 years
to be able to accept another pet in my life, after having to put my
Yorkshire Terrier of 11 years to sleep.
Facebook
friends were trying to offer up support and suggestions. I just
prayed for guidance and held onto faith that the Lord would take care
of me so long as I continued to serve the Lord's request with the
Hunger Strike. I never was very social media savvy, except for a
little Facebook now and then; however, suddenly and miraculously, I
became social media savvy, especially on Twitter. When I started the
Hunger Strike, I had 40 followers. I now have 2 separate Twitter
accounts; one dedicated to the Hunger Strike (@H_Strike4God) with
more of a faith-based context to it, and my original account
(@SpecialSavant), which speaks more to my Savant Syndrome and having
Autism. I have 141 followers and 269 tweets attached to the Strike
account, and 220 followers and 787 tweets on my primary account. My
LinkedIn connections have exploded. A year ago, I might have had
50-75 connections, and today, I have 1089! It was like I magically
became an advanced social media user without formal study or
training. I'd be a guru by now, had I more time to dedicate to this
form of reaching out and connecting with the world. It's like I
observe something and then JUST KNOW how to achieve results. I've
even recorded & posted 3 YouTube videos since July, with more in
the works.
Because
of my trust and faith in the Lord, I was able to transfer within the
Longmont Regent community from a 1-bedroom to a large studio
apartment for almost a $300 reduction in rent, to below market rate.
I know this was one of many Divine Interventions this year. After
searching and applying for PT work over 3 months, magically landed a
telecommute job on Craigslist that was perfect for me and added
$400/mo in income; however, in 6 short weeks, I learned I was
victimized by a scam. I was “Employed” by an overseas Nigerian
money laundering enterprise; even though the guy gave me a name and
address of someone living in Reno, NV, email and US phone/IM
accounts/numbers. I suspected something wasn't right early on, but
wanted to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. By the time I ended
my employment, I had been party to unknowingly writing several
hundred thousand dollars in counterfeit checks. When this guy's work
requests & demands became more & more suspicious, I didn't
hesitate calling the FBI, filing an IC3 complaint, reporting it to
the Secret Service, State Attorney General, and Longmont PD. I've
since blogged about this experience trying to warn other innocent
people not to allow themselves to become victimized. Because he lives
in Nigeria, law enforcement informed me that best agency to handle
the case would be the Postmaster General, since this involved
international postal fraud. Believe it or not, I even believe the
Lord had a purpose in my obtaining this job.
Luckily,
just before ending that work relationship, I got hired to work PT at
the smaller Walgreens store located half a block from my home. (It
took only 2-1/2 months after I applied and aced the retail assessment
for them to call me for an interview.) Because my body no longer
possesses the physical stamina it had 18 years ago when I worked for
Computer City, as a supervisor, I'm only working three 5-hour shifts
per week at the store, and had to request special accommodations.
Having 2 knee replacements and a deteriorating spine with a
stimulator implant to control the pain has a big impact on what I can
and can't do, and for how long. Surprisingly, despite 3 absences
(back problem & flu since starting the end of October), I
received a 75 center raise after only 30 days. Problem is, my autism
mentality causes me to FORGET what my body can & can't do once I
get focused on a task or work that needs to be done, because other
employees refuse to perform certain tasks. I've had this problem
saying “NO” for over 50 years, when I see something that needs to
be done and asked or know that no one else is going to do it, I jump
right in, as a team player, without considering how my actions will
physically affect me.
I
did find an integrative medicine, osteopathic surgeon to be my new
PCP, who was willing to monitor my health while on the Hunger Strike.
Blood work and tests all came back remarkably normal when consuming
only the liquid diet; however, I was having problems with my blood
pressure. The trip to the ER on Aug. 15 was due to concern about a
possible brain aneurysm. When paramedics came at 3:30 in the morning,
my blood pressure was measured at 258/135; the highest ever for me.
The diastolic number then remained over 100 for nearly 2 months,
before I finally agreed to go back on a low dose of B/P medicine.
Since the first of October, when I began conservatively consuming
solid food again, my abdominal pain & GI probs returned. Last
week, I met with my PCP's nutritionist, who seriously feels my best
move is to go gluten and dairy free (even tho I briefly tried this
type of diet for 3 weeks before moving to Longmont, with no change in
symptoms). If I take this advice, it will mean another move in the
foreseeable future, since the Holiday communities DO NOT offer a
gluten free menu option with their food service. Am on the waiting
list at a smaller retirement community about 6 blocks away. Each
apartment has a full kitchen. Guess I'll have to let them know I want
back on the “active” wait list.
Last
year I FINALLY learned I had a lifelong malabsorption problem. It
took forever to find a GI doctor who diagnosed and treated this kind
of problem AND took Medicare. Problem is, our personalities clashed
and he only wanted to treat the problem with expensive prescriptions,
which didn't work or made me feel worse. This year, I finally got
referred to an immunologist because of repeated sinus and middle ear
infections in the past decade. After 28 vials of blood being drawn at
my first appointment, I learned I have a (genetic) primary immune
deficiency and IgG subclass 2 deficiency.
My
protection against pneumonia bacterial strains is severely low. I got
an adult pneumonia vaccine in Nov. 2004, but was instructed to get a
repeat vaccine this past April. After 1 mo, immunity was somewhat
improved, but blood work after 6 months showed another severe decline
in protection, so was directed to obtain a Prevnar 13 vaccine this
past week, then get another pneumovax next March. I was worried
before I got the test results a few weeks ago when I came down with
the flu and temperature of 102-103 that lasted 24-hours. It started
with my annual fall attack of bronchitis. Getting started on a
nebulizer treatment and then an Rx of Tamiflu prevented the flu from
turning into pneumonia. Am slowly getting back to normal, but still
experiencing lots of fatigue. Am sure my brother had this same immune
problem. He generally dealt with an episode of pneumonia every
12-18 months since he was 40 or so.
DARN.
I've rambled on far more than anticipated. Better wrap this
up. Most of my lengthy bus rides to Denver for activities are
associated with autism advocacy: serving on CO-CANDO and
subcommittees; helping JFK develop their professional webinar
training program regarding adult ASD diagnosis & co-morbidities;
attend GRASP support meetings; and meetings and activities as a Board
member for the Autism Society of Colorado (ASC). I was selected this
summer to be a “Self-Advocate Partner” with the Autistic Global
Initiative (AGI), which is funded by the Autism Research Institute in
San Diego. I started attending a monthly 30+ support group for adults
with high-functioning autism held at the Temple Grandin School in
Boulder. I'm also ASC's co-chair to help the Autism Society of
America in planning it's 2015 national conference to be held in
Denver next July.
Since
RTD public transportation has been a major frustration and stressor
(causing most of my anxiety attacks); I've had to learn to
teleconference in to many meetings the 2nd half of this
year. Having trust issues, talking to voices thru a mechanical
device, holds major trust issues for me. A lot of trust comes from
visual body language. Sometimes phone connections can be poor, but
I've learned to digitally record those and all other formal meetings
and appointments, since communicative misunderstandings tend to be
another of my major deficits/issues.
Even
though I moved twice this year (each time in less than 30 days), and
often spent 6-7 hours commuting for a 2- to 4-hour meeting, I found
time to do quite a bit of personal art and crafts. I don't have a
craft room at the Regent, which allows me to keep my large painting
easel set up with in-progress paintings; however, the management has
agreed to allow me to keep my easel and work set up in the community
library on the first floor. (It has served as a prospective resident
marketing tool.) The 1st apartment I lived in was right
next to the library, making working on paintings a no-brainer;
however, when I moved apartments the first of October, I remained on
the first floor, but at the opposite end of the building from the
library. I spent my 1st 3 hours, since my move, working on
an oil painting just yesterday. I did complete 2 acrylic portraits in
either the Activity Room (has a sink) or my new apartment. Tho my new
apartment is smaller and only a studio, I actually have a much
friendlier floorplan. It allows me to have my sewing machine always
set up, place to paint/do arts & crafts AND have enough space
around my computer equipment. It doesn't feel like the claustrophobic
closet that my 1-bedroom apt. felt like.
Am
hoping to join the Longmont Council on the Arts after the first of
the year to be able to display (& maybe sell) or exhibit my work
to obtain some public awareness of my talents. Have found a couple
places in Longmont & Boulder to possibly market my sewing, arts &
crafts and artwork to generate a little income. Also started a
Facebook group specifically designed for individuals with ASD to
display and possibly sell some of their handiwork. The location is
https://www.facebook.com/groups/Creativity.in.Autism.
I'm also one of the administrative moderators for the Autism Society
of Colorado adult group on Facebook at this location:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/812920132104307.
As mentioned earlier, another move may be forthcoming in the next 3-6 months, so if
wanting to connect with me, you can always email me at
special.savant@gmail.com
to catch up with me. I'm going to end the formal discussion of my
year here, so I can include some pictures of me, Buddy, Pooky &
some of my art completed this year, as a little self-promotion of the
person I have matured into following my rebirth in 2005.
Hope you all
have a great holiday this year, and spend a little time reflecting on
the true meaning of Christmas and its celebration. I also want to
wish you the best in the coming New Year.
God
Bless! Michele,
Pooky & Buddy Newman
"In Progress" drawing to accompany "7 Angels to the 7 Churches" (Book of Revelation)
Poster I painted in 2013 that was purchased by BeauJo's in 2014 & hanging in Denver restaurant
Buddy, my full-tailed (fat) Manx, laid back on the loveseat
Acrylic portrait I painted of Corry Robinson, JFK Partners;
2014 Autism Soiciey of Colorado Gala Honoree
Newborn bibs and toys I sew and sell
ID badge holder I sewed for Board members to wear @ 2014 ASC fundraising Gala
Final, custom 24x36 family oil portrait presented to 2013 ASC Gala auction winner
John Denver pencil drawing done from photo I took at his Red Rocks concert (1978 or 79)
Children's neck pillow animals I sew (& sell). Do 3 other animals
Me and Dr. Jill Biden following 2014 volunteer Democratic campaign rally in Longmont, CO
16x20 acrylic painting commissioned by Facebook friend
Pooky. My formerly feral, never-to-be lap cat relaxed on my lap
Large stuffed frog sewn for and purchased by friend to give as a baby shower gift
Display for the 2014 ASC Gala where I donated another custom family portrait for the fundraiser. This is an "in progress" wedding portrait for a long-time friend who got married this year.
